A Butterfly's Musings
by charm545
Summary: Rei reflects about his relationship with Nagisa and how much the blonde has affected his life.


It took Rei a while to realize that he was in a relationship with Nagisa. Of course knew that the two of them were close. He considered his swim club team members to be his best friends and Nagisa to be his closest friend. The two of them were always together. Rei didn't think much about it, it was just the way things were. Every day they would meet up at the train station, go to school, and then most of the time Nagisa would invite himself to Rei's house. After a few daily visits Nagisa would enter the house and throw himself on top of Rei's bed like he owned the place. Maybe that should have been a hint.

Even when they hanged out with the others, the two would just gravitate towards each other. That didn't faze Rei in the slightest. He was used to having Nagisa at his side, to feel the boy's shoulder brush his as they walked, and was used to the weight of Nagisa's head on his shoulder or his lap.

One day, when the swim team was hanging out at Rei's house, Nagisa went to the kitchen to bring lemonade for everyone. It wasn't the fact that the blonde knew where everything was that shocked Rei, it was what happened when Nagisa returned to his room with the drinks. He handed everyone their lemonade when Rei realized that his was actually orange juice. Rei didn't dislike lemonade but if he had to choose between the two he would definitely choose orange juice. He supposes it was in that moment when he realized how well he and Nagisa knew each other.

That realization was also backed up by that one time Nagisa got detention so he wasn't with them during lunch. Rei had answered Macoto's comment with a joke and the older boy began to laugh.

"That sounds like something Nagisa would say!".

Rei realized that it was true. Nagisa's influence had truly affected him. He was not the cold and calculating person he had once been. Or tried to be. All his life he thought that was the way to gain success, by being logical and precise about every aspect of life. But Nagisa showed him that wasn't true. That there were simple joys in life like friendship and passion. Nagisa broke his walls, not the ones Rei had for the world but for himself. He allowed himself to be silly and embrace other parts of his personality that he had for so long forced to suppress. The first time he had met Nagisa he could seriously not stand him but now he knew why. Because the blonde was everything he wasn't. Everything he couldn't be. Everything he yearned for. He became the key to his freedom.

Nagisa has made him do things Rei would have never done on his own. One night their group was walking around the city. Rei asked Nagisa where they were going.

"A night club!" The blonde said cheerfully. Rei immediately panicked.

"W-what! You should have told me sooner! I didn't have time to reaserch the techniques for dancing!" Nagisa's eyes softened.

"Dancing isn't something you can do with formulas and statistics." They were now at the door to the disco. Rei's heart was beating uncomfortably fast. He looked down at the blonde's smile. "It's something you feel. Just have fun, Rei! Let yourself be free!"

That hit him hard. Nagisa took his hand and pulled him into the building. Soon they were in the middle of the dance floor. The music was loud and absorbing. Everyone seemed to flow with the sounds. Even Haru was dancing and Rei couldn't help a laugh escape his mouth. The atmosphere was simply amazing. Soon he found himself letting go of all his worries and dancing along with his friends.

The day Rei realized he was in a relationship with Nagisa they were actually studying at the blue haired boy's house. Both boys sat on their own chairs, Nagisa with his legs prompted up over Rei's lap while he read the textbook. The boy pouted and pointed to something in the book.

"Rei-chan! I don't get it!" He moved the chair forward and bent his legs over Rei's own to the point where it almost seemed like he was sitting on his lap. Rei took Nagisa's textbook and began to explain the subject to the blonde. In a moment of frustration, Nagisa let his head fall tiredly onto Rei's shoulder. The scene was so intimate and yet Rei didn't notice it. Soon Nagisa yawned.

"I have to go home, Rei-chan." He took his textbook back. "See you tomorrow." And that's when it happened. As if it were the most normal thing in the world, Nagisa leaned in and gave him a quick peck on the lips. The moment he did so, the blonde froze. His eyes widened in shock like he couldn't believe what he had just done. Rei was sure his expression was similar but more than shock he felt understanding. Suddenly all of those times where he and Nagisa simply seemed uable to stay far away from each other made blonde pulled away and stuttered.

"I-I'm sorry! I didn't even mean to do it! You were just there and it seemed like the natural thing to do! I-" The blonde was panicking which was really not like him. Rei found himself feeling oddly calm. He took hold of his friend's wrists.

"Nagisa." He said fondly. "It's alright." And with that he leaned in and kissed him. The blonde looked just as shocked as before but soon his body relaxed. Later he was all giggles and smiles.

Almost nothing changed about their interactions (yet another fact that lets Rei know that he had been dating Nagisa for a while now).

The day they had decided to tell the rest of the swim team about it, they reacted quite differently than Rei expected. The blue haired boy had cleared his throat infront of Makoto and Haru.

"We have something to tell you." Rei had declared. The blonde bounced excitedly at his side. "Nagisa and I are in a relationship."

There was silence as Makoto blinked in surprise. Haru simply raised an eyebrow. The green eyed boy opened his mouth to speak and Rei feared he was going to say something disproving.

"…weren't you already?"

Now it was Rei's turn to look surprised. Nagisa began to laugh and Haru lost interest in the conversation. All in all it had been very casual.

Joining the swim club had changed Rei's life completely. He had new priorities and new influences. He had also found the person he wanted by his side for the rest of his life.

Maybe that's why Rei disliked hearing about Rin for so long and why he always felt oddly hostile towards him. Because the only reason why he was in the swim club, why he met his best friends, was because Rin had abandoned them. If it wasn't for that fact then Nagisa would have never searched him out. Rei shuddered at the thought. Such a fragile line of chance and probability. It scared him to think of it.

Then at the tournament, when Rin swam with his team, Rei knew it was the right thing to do but the fear was still there. The fear that he would be left behind and forgotten, someone who should have never been there in the first place. But then Nagisa looked up to where he was, teary eyed, and excitedly gestured for him to come. Rei's fear suddenly went away. He joined his joyous team members. Gou went down to take a picture of them and Rei smiled as Nagisa raised one arm in victory while holding on to Rei's jacket with the other. He was as much a part of this team as anyone else and Rein knew that Nagisa wouldn't ever let him go.


End file.
